So basically, I emailed my mom about what had been happening in my life and just to try to sort my thoughts out. I know… ewww… email and ewww… your mom really aren’t you an adult? Yes but hey don’t be hating on mama! She always knows what to do. We all know deep down we are all like…
At some point in our life. And mine just happened to be during this semester. Anyway, a couple weeks ago I noticed the Indigo and Coral (Indral) friendship really starting to blossom. For real I was actually concerned they would start to become one.
But the biggest problem was the things I was hearing about them saying about me. And the fact that Coral had become not just an innocent by stander in the smack talk about me, but an actual instigator. I even received a snap chat that was clearly meant to go to Indigo saying “Eww… What the fuck Art. WHY?lol” followed by “Sorry wrong person, lol”. No really you complaining about me in snapchat form wasn’t suppose to be sent to me?
No it seems like I have the wrong person here… I thought I was looking for my FRIEND and future roommate Coral, not a backstabbing asshole that I seemed to have found.
Sorry got a little over excited there… Anyway, so I have recently joined Greek Like to get my mind off the whole Indigo thing and to meet new people. And original me and Coral were rushing together, but then Indigo so nicely told me her new lover Coral actually didn’t want to rush. So I told Coral it was a decision Coral had to make, and it wouldn’t effect me or our friendship, which I believed it wouldn’t. Long story short Coral decided not to, and I continued got into Greek Life, and got an offer to even move into the house next year. Now here is the discussion with my mom on whether I should move into the house and why.
“1.I am upset with Coral, because it is known that me and Indigo are not the bestests of friends anymore, and yet the fact that Coral is all about hanging out with Indigo ALL the time is annoying to me. When the Grape thing happened with Coral, even though I didn’t totally agree with Coral I took that side without giving it much thought, because that is what friends do, they take your side even when your wrong. And I almost completely lost Grape because of it. And I kinda expect the same return.
2. However, I realize that Coral does not think about other people often, and can be self-centered. So for Coral might just think about it as just getting 2 friends both me and Indigo. I have already proven I am loyal because of the Grape thing, so it makes sense that I am not as big of a priority. So it may be that Coral actually doesn’t know how bad of a friend she’s being.
3. HOWEVER, if Coral doesn’t know and is just consumed in self-centered-ness, is this the kind of friend or roommate that I want? Indigo is also a self-centered person and it did not work out well there. And the fact that Indigo and Coral are clearly great friends may indicate that they are more alike then I thought originally.
And when talking to Navy about this , it was brought up the point that I either have to accept that Coral is self-centered and thus blinded to how I am being affected, and deal with that. Or I can be mad at her. Up until now, I have been trying to be reasonable and realize Coral is blind to this problem, yet I am also pissed about it, and it has been causing most of my stress.
4. Even if we take away the problem of them just hanging out, we still have the issue of Coral never really saying how Coral feels in a conflict situation. With the Grape thing, Grape had to hear from everyone else how Coral felt, and even when Grape asked Coral straight, Coral did not say how she felt she just nodded or beat around the bush. The same happened when me and Coral were rushing (for the Greek life), Coral didn’t tell me she didn’t want to continue rushing, instead I heard it from Indigo (who was only telling me to see my reaction and prove that her and Coral are soooo close they talk about everything *written in a sarcastic tone). I then texted Coral and said it was cool if she didn’t want to continue, only then did Coral actually decide she didn’t want to.
4a. this brings up the issue that even if I talk to Coral, she won’t tell me how she feels. I will have to hear it from other people. And right now the only other person is Indigo, who probably wants to see this all go up in flames.
5. The things I have been hearing though, are ridiculous, and not the actions of a true friend. Coral and Indigo have talked about me poorly in front of Orange, Navy, and other company. It is one thing for Indigo to do that, but I have been told on multiple accounts that Coral has not stood up for me ( a supposed friend and future roommate) but has on occasion joined in and even started the convo. These are not the actions I tolerate from a friend. And I have more then honest and open in our friendship that if Coral feels the need to talk about something I have done, or whatnot we should be able to do so without stress. This kind of two-facedness is why me and Indigo cannot be friends.
5a. If Coral is doing something like this already, and we aren’t even living with each other and spending time confined more or less together, how will Coral act if we live together? Will I not know when something is bothering her, or like say I leave the dishes in the sink for too long or get marker on the counter, will I know if it’s a problem? Or will I walk in one day to Coral and Indigo smack talking my messiness? These are the things I worry about. And they are the things I can’t handle if we end up living together.
6. The “Well it will be different next year” argument.
For a while when I first noticed Indigo’s new found fondness for Coral, I talked to Orange about it. And this was the argument I got, next year we would be living 15 min off of campus, so Indigo won’t want to walk up there, also if Indigo gets the RA job, she can’t be there all the time anyway. Now while this sounds like a reasonable argument, it is based in a lot of uncertainty, and there are no absolutes, and to think that Indigo will never be in the apartment still isn’t a possibility. Also this does not excuse the actions recently and the problems stated before.
7. Well do you really even want to stay friends with Coral then?
This is a tricky question that Orange asked when I talked to him about it. And I do want to be friends with Coral, deep down I believe Coral is a good person, but I think Indigo has kinda absorbed her life. Indigo is bringing out the more annoying and obnoxious qualities of Coral. And while Coral has always had some of them, I think Indigo gives a platform to exhibit them more. This past week I haven’t hung out with Coral, cuz I’ve been thinking this all over and seeing Coral would make it complicated, and I do miss hanging out, I miss talking to Coral and telling about my day, and I can discuss things that aren’t as important with Coral, while Navy and Orange are sometimes bored by my casual topics.
But also what Coral has exhibited recently is in my mind inexcusable. I am not looking for a friend I have to change and educate more or less on the qualities which I think are simple like loyalty, trust, and being able to be comfortable enough to speak your mind to me, which I seek for in a friend. I want one with those already and I can then accept their other flaws.
8. Well then is sounds living in the Greek House (Gamma Eta or GH) is the best option.
Yes GH is a very good option, I know Indigo will not show up unannounced there. I don’t feel like I have to act different around the GH members. ( With Coral I have been trying to not talk bad about Indigo, even though Indigo is causing me lots of stress, because 1. I can’t trust Coral and so assume what I say will just go right back to Indigo and add fuel to her ART(thats me)-hating fire. 2. I’ve never been that person who tells people who to hang out with, and usually that works for me, so if Coral really does like Indigo I don’t want to be that friend who comes off as petty and complaining about Indigo all time. Because to me being the bigger person is important, even though this whole thing has shown me the universe doesn’t think so.) With GH I can be myself and don’t really have to watch what I am saying. Also living there will allow me to become closer with the other members too, which would be a fun and great experience. Not to mention the location of the house is great! And if I decide being friends with Coral is too hard, then it would be easy to phase out of the friendship.”
So basically that covered all the thinking I did recently… Want to know how it turned out?
I know right….