Taking a break from my dramatic tale of hatred toward other people, I would like to give a shout out to my buddy the snow!
We have had some good times, over the years we have bonded over our love for days off, for making friends (Pour some out for our falling Mr.Frosty’s, you were the best snow man ever yo), for rolling down hills at high speeds, and also the fun of attacking others by throwing yourself at them in circular ball form (also know as snowballs). And coming from the North, I always loved your visits in the winter, and you were a much welcomed guest by all. I know that as the years have gone by we have been slowly drifting apart though, and I am sure you have noticed as well. I spend most of your visits sleeping in my warm bed as you look in threw the window, or instead of throwing you in folly, begrudgingly push you aside off my car and then turn up the heat and drive away. I know last year I actually left the state to travel away from you, and had a little tryst with the warm southern beaches. And I honestly thought that if that wasn’t enough you would get the message when I went to college out of the north, where you hardly travel. And for last year it was great, we both had our time apart and when I went home for break I was genuinely happy to see you again.
BUT NOW… you are being a bit ridiculous this year! I mean the surprise visit here at college cancelling classes was nice, I’ll admit it, it even reminded me of the old times we used to have.
You just kept coming, and coming. And while I am a little bit flattered that you obviously missed me soo much you felt the need to stalk me all the way to my more southern college, I really don’t think my college can handle it. I mean, Snow, I might sound crazy but not every place is as well equipped to handle you popping in as my hometown up north. My college just isn’t ready for the kind of relationship we used to have!
For one thing, they do not know how to plow you. All their attempts are just sad to watch, Snow. They end up leaving large amounts of you half plowed on the ground, which you then freeze and make slides of doom all over campus. They also are not as well-read in your ways to know of your archenemy Salt, which helps to melt you away and create easier walking conditions. They also are not aware of how cunning you can be, Snow, because once you start to melt you create an even bigger problem. You create slushy puddles, and due to the uneven sidewalks and slightly dipping bridge walkways on campus, walking to class turns into wading through your decaying existence. But then when the temperature drops, I might as well invest in a pair of ice skates if I want to go anywhere, because you clever thing Snow, you freeze right back up turning the lakes on the sidewalks into a free for all ice rink. And you don’t seem to be stopping anytime soon! Everyday I hear news that you are considering stopping by again next week from some terrified Southern person.
So Snow, I guess what I am just trying to say is that, you need to really stop. It just isn’t fair to everyone around me, your love for me is to strong!! And it is a love they just, don’t understand. So from the bottom of my heart Snow,
I am asking you to STOP!!! We will always have my winter break at home to be together, and I think that is as serious as we can ever be for now.
With love, your always Northern at heart friend!